So, I went to see my GP about my anxiety…

I’ve been a bit quiet on the blog this week. In real life, I have fallen off the radar too. This is a scary post to write. We are living of an era of increased transparency about mental health. There is a lot on social media about talking openly about the struggles we are happening, which I read and nod in agreement. Yet, here I am, a hypocrite, unsure whether or not to write about my own experience. Well, here goes: this week I finally went to see my GP about my anxiety…

I have always been a worrier, but since having kids, it seems to be getting worse and worse. About three months ago, I made an appointment to speak to my GP about how my anxiety levels were sky rocketing. Ironically, the idea of discussing my anxiety with a medical professional was giving me worse anxiety than I had ever had in my life, so I made the decision (in the waiting room) that I would just ask her about a lump on my finger instead. A few weeks later, I made another appointment, but then cancelled it. On Wednesday, I went online to make another appointment, fully aware that I would probably end up cancelling that one too… unusually, there was an appointment available for the next day. I knew that if I booked it I would have to go. Because, of all the things I worry about, letting someone else down is probably up there at the top.

I booked it. Then promptly vomited from the stress.

So, probably several years after I should have, I finally went to see my GP about my anxiety on Thursday.

I described to her how I feel, and gave her some examples from the last few days:

I woke up at 6am, and even though we didn’t need to be somewhere until 11am, I already felt physically sick at the possibility we might be late.

There is an article in the news about a boy drowning on holiday, and I start losing sleep about our upcoming holiday (at a place with a pool). I vow that I will not take my eyes off the pool area during the day, and that I will check multiple times throughout each night that the doors and windows are locked. Any excitement about my holiday quickly dissipates and I start dreading it instead.

Normally I would drive to the GP, but I feel sick about there not being a parking space, or there being unexpected roadworks to make me late. Instead I walk the 40 minute walk. Even though I get there 20 minutes early, I still worry the whole walk that I will somehow be late.

In a moment of feeling ‘normal’, I arrange a play date at my house for Monday. I then spend all weekend on edge because of the house being untidy. I start resenting the kids for making mess. The utility room acts as my sanctuary where I go to sob several times a day because everything feels so out of control.

I am scared the GP will just tell me that I am being silly. Or to come back in six months if I’m not better. I couldn’t have been more wrong. She heard me. She asked me what I want the future to look like. Diagnosis: Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I have started taking a daily 20mg dose of Fluoxetine (a generic form of Prozac). It has only been two days so far, so it’s too early to see if it is helping. What I can say is that just opening up to her and being listened to has been hugely beneficial. Later the same day, I was at the counter at the Post Office when the systems went down, and a huge queue slowly formed behind me. This would normally be my worst nightmare – my chest would tighten, my cheeks would flush, my heart rate would sky rocket. And yes, those things did happen… but now that I have a diagnosis, I was also able to rationalise with myself in a way I wouldn’t have been able to do before. It’s not your fault. No one blames you, and if they do, they are just being unfair.

I am seeing the medication as being like my arm bands whilst I learn to swim. They will keep me afloat whilst I explore CBT, meditation, exercise and other avenues to manage my anxiety. Hopefully at some point I can take my arm bands off. But there is no shame in being on medication long term either. I don’t know what the future holds but I am looking forward to it an awful lot more now. I was also given a list of helpful resources, one of which is the free CBT available online which I am excited to get started on this weekend. I also found some more great tips on managing anxiety here.

So, if you are feeling like I do and you are scared to talk to a medical professional, or you feel like you are wasting their time – remember, that is your illness talking, Please speak to someone – I am so glad I went to see my GP about my anxiety.

I’m taking part in the Wellbeing Wonders linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out


  1. Well done for plucking up the courage to go and seek help, that was so brave of you. Having suffered from anxiety myself, I know what impact it can have on every day living. I hope the days treat you kind and things get a little easier for you. x

    Thanks for sharing with #MMBC. 🙂

    • Thank you for your kind words. It’s been amazing how much support I have got since writing this x

  2. Well done you for going. Must be the hardest thing to do. I’m sure lots of people must book and cancel for just the same reasons. I’m so glad the doctor was able to help you and took your worries seriously. #MMBC

    • Thank you – I feel so glad I went, can’t imagine how I would be feeling now if I hadn’t taken the first step x

  3. Well done you for seeking help! That first step is the hardest. I hope things are better for you now x

  4. Michelle

    The one about the pool – I’ve been there. Even though my boys are older I still have anxiety that hits me out of nowhere where my boys are concerned. I’m a bit obsessed about their safety so when I’m not with them sometimes I have horrible thoughts about what would happen to them with me not being their to protect them. It was a lot worse when they were younger but I am also in recovery from PTSD. I still get the occasional anxiety over these things but I like what you did. You told yourself it’s not your fault about the line. I have to do something similar when mine pops up. Good for you for taking the first step to helping yourself with your anxiety:)

    • Thanks so much for your comment. I think it’s normal to worry as a parent, but my levels of worrying were definitely not normal.. it sounds like you have had the same struggles too x

  5. Michelle

    I don’t know if you got my last comment because it didn’t pop up that it is waiting for moderation but I’m popping over from #MMBC

  6. This is such a brave post! Well done for sharing. And thank you for being so bravd, because your post might help someone who was too scared to ask for help before. I hope the medication helps you and that you feel better soon. I found CBT very helpful alongside medication 😊 #WellbeingWonders

    • Thanks Becca. I really hope it helps someone who is struggling. I am trying an online CBT course too which I think is helping already x

  7. Firstly, you’ve taken the first step which is always the hardest and things WILL get better from here on in. Be kind to yourself. A lot of ‘invisible’ illnesses are absolutely crippling and affect everything you do. I’m looking forward to hearing of your progress, but for now I think you should give yourself some praise for being brave enough to seek help.

    • Thanks Emma. A week on, I feel so much better already – just taking that first step of talking to someone helped so much x

  8. Loretta

    This is so very inspiring. I have struggled tremendously with seeing someone about my anxiety. Thank you for your words of inspiration and your courage to put yourself out there. I will be calling my doctor this week. Its about time I took my mental health seriously.

    • Oh it makes me so happy that this has helped you. Please, make that call to your doctor. I am here if you want to talk to someone in the same situation x

  9. Yes, I am the same with flying – I get to the airport so early and still worry about missing the flight! Glad to hear the meds helped you – I am the same with the funny dreams though, it’s hard to tell what really happened and what was a dream. I really hope my post helps someone x

  10. So brave of you to write this post and to finally get the help you need from the doctor. I’ve suffered from anxiety myself in the past. The last time I went to the doctors I felt so stupid, as if there wasn’t anything ‘real’ wrong with me. I wrote down all my symptoms and went through the list with the doctor (whilst sobbing). It is such a hard thing to do but once you do it you realise that the medical profession DO take this seriously and there are things that can help. I hope you start to feel better – CBT is really helpful and it is definitely worth investigating meditation too.

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